I'm off now for ten days or so. Have fun and be good. Here's a little something from when I was in hospital one time ...
Think of something, dammit!
The Mother-in-law, yes, that old bat; fat legs, nasty temper, huge breasts... no, not breasts, think of sheep! Nice little fluffy creatures bouncing around a field, big soft eyes, long lashes, oh for Christs sake, something else! Mountains! Bloody hard slog up to the top, exhausting, tiring, getting completely shagged out; the view from the top, the peaks topped in snow looking like ripe nipples. Oh shit.
Trains! Steam engines, pulling classic carriages through the Yorkshire dales, the steam billowing behind, the smell of coal in the air as it enters a dark tunnel ... oh, buggeration. The space program! Look at that rocket exploding off the launch pad, a massive column of fire thrusting ... oh, hell and damnation!
'There you go, Mr Jones. You're all clean. And I wouldn't worry about that little thing happening - it's quite normal you know.'
'Thank you, nurse,' I say sheepishly, thankful my first bed-bath was over and wondering just exactly what she meant by 'little' ...
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